What to Do If You Get Served with Divorce Papers in New York

By: Elizabeth Vaz, Esq.

Date: March 21, 2025

Getting served with divorce papers can be an overwhelming and emotional experience. If you're in New York and find yourself getting handed a pile of divorce papers from a process server, it's important to know what to do next. Understanding the process and how to protect your rights can help you navigate the next steps with greater clarity and confidence.

In this blog post, we'll walk you through the essential steps you need to take if you're served with divorce papers in New York, including what the papers mean, how to respond, and what your legal options may be, moving forward.

1. Stay Calm and Don’t Panic

This first point cannot be emphasized enough. As much as possible, remain calm and do not let the “service” of the papers mean anything more than that, in the moment. In moments like this, your emotions can certainly hijack all reason and lead you down a dark path. However, try to remember that, just as most traumatic things in life, with a little patience and a little time, you can navigate this hard road. Try to be as logical about this as possible; at least for now. Let’s be honest here; most times, people are not completely shocked at receiving divorce papers. You know when your relationship is deteriorating and that a divorce is likely imminent. However, even if you know that you will be getting divorced, when you receive the actual documentation that starts the action, it seems more official and can actually feel like a blow. However, it’s important to take a deep breath and approach the situation as methodically as possible. Take time to process the news, but avoid making rash decisions based on emotional reactions. Don’t start making calls to your spouse- or to anyone else for that matter. Take a few minutes to digest that this occurred and then remember that the calmer you are now, the better you will handle the entire situation, especially once you read over the documentation.

2. Read the Divorce Papers Carefully

The next thing you should do is carefully read the divorce papers. There are a few key documents you will typically receive when served with divorce papers in New York:

• Summons with Notice: This document lets you know that your spouse has filed for divorce. It may also include a request for temporary orders like child custody, support, and possession of the marital home. However, this is not a Court Order so do not think that you are required to follow this summons. It merely assigns an index number and, usually, you have some time to respond.

• Summons with Complaint: In addition to the Summons, a Complaint outlines the legal grounds for the divorce and what your spouse is requesting, such as property division or alimony.

• Notices: There may be a few “Notices” that you receive as well. Again, there is no need to go into too much detail about all of them here, but there is one that is of the utmost importance. The “Automatic Orders” that you will receive are extremely important as they state that, once you are served, you are not allowed to transfer any property (money, investments, etc.), you cannot change any insurance coverage nor beneficiaries, you cannot take on excessive debt, you cannot move (even borrow) money from retirement accounts, you are prohibited from stopping any payments on the marital home, etc. There are more provisions here but, you get the point. Everything should stay the way it has been (status quo), until the court decides otherwise.

  
  

  

  
  

When you are reading through the papers, make sure to take note of all the details, especially any deadlines for filing a response. You generally have a specified time to file your answer so be sure to look for this time to answer in the paperwork.

3. Understand Your Timeframe

In New York, you have a specific timeframe to respond to divorce papers. If you are served with a Summons with Notice or with a Compliant, you generally have 20 days or 30 days to file your response. Ask your attorney for exact timeline here. This is essentially you “answering” your partner’s papers and asking the court for the relief that you are asking for.

Missing the deadline to file your response can lead to a default judgment, meaning the court may grant your spouse the terms that they requested in the divorce papers, even without your input. To avoid this, make sure to mark your calendar with the deadline and consult with a lawyer as soon as possible. I do not recommend waiting until a day or two before your time is up, to speak with an attorney, as the court will not take lightly to any default and it may be hard, if not impossible, to undo.

4. File a Response (Answer)

If you wish to respond to the divorce papers, you must file an Answer with the court, in the manner that your county requires. The Answer is your official response to the divorce petition, and it can include:

• Admissions or Denials of the claims made by your spouse in their Complaint.

• Any counterclaims (your own requests) or requests you have, such as custody, visitation, property division, spousal support, or other matters.

  
  

In addition to the Answer, you may also file a Notice of Appearance to formally notify the court that you intend to participate in the divorce proceedings.

It's highly advisable to consult with an attorney when drafting your Answer to ensure you protect your rights and respond appropriately. Know that once these “pleadings” are filed with the court, it may be very challenging to go back and amend them. It is not impossible but it might be costly to do so.

5. Consider Your Legal Options

After you’ve been served with divorce papers, it’s important to explore your legal options- right away. Divorce in New York can be pursued through various methods, including:

• Uncontested Divorce: If both you and your spouse are in agreement about the terms of the divorce, you may be able to pursue an uncontested divorce. This is often quicker and less expensive than a contested divorce.

• Contested Divorce: If you and your spouse disagree on the terms of the divorce, such as child custody, property division, or spousal support, the divorce will likely be contested. This process may require litigation and involve court hearings.

• Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR): Methods like mediation or collaborative divorce allow you and your spouse to work through your differences with the help of neutral professionals, without going to court. ADR can be a more amicable and cost-effective way to handle your divorce.

  
  

6. Consult with an Experienced Divorce Attorney

If you’ve been served with divorce papers in New York, it’s strongly recommended to consult with an experienced divorce attorney. A lawyer specializing in family law can provide valuable guidance on your legal rights and help you navigate the complexities of the divorce process.

Your attorney will help you understand the specifics of the divorce papers you’ve been served, assist with drafting and filing your response, and provide advice on whether you should pursue mediation, collaborative divorce, or litigation. They can also help you understand how New York’s laws regarding child custody, support, property division, and spousal support will affect your case. Even if you don’t hire the first attorney you consult with, you can ask for assistance to seek an extension of time to file your answer, if that is best for your situation.

7. Gather Relevant Documents

Start gathering documents that may be relevant to your divorce case. This includes financial documents like tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements, property deeds, and any other paperwork related to your assets, liabilities, or children. Having these documents prepared and properly organized, can help streamline the process and give your attorney the information they need to represent you effectively.

8. Start Planning for Your Future

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional process, but it also marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Take time to reflect on your future and consider how you want to move forward. Whether it’s securing your financial future, creating a co-parenting plan, or starting fresh, having a clear vision of your post-divorce life can help you stay focused during the process.

Consider working with a financial advisor or therapist, if needed, to ensure you’re making well-informed decisions both legally and emotionally.

Final Thoughts:

Getting served with divorce papers is undoubtedly a difficult moment, but understanding what to do next is crucial for protecting your rights and moving forward in the process. Stay calm, read the papers carefully, consult with an experienced attorney, and take action within the required timeframe. With the right guidance and support, you can navigate the divorce process with confidence and create a better future for yourself.

If you need assistance or are considering divorce in New York, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Vaz Law, PLLC. Our team is here to support you every step of the way.