What Your Divorce Attorney Isn’t Telling You: The Dark Truth About Time, Money, and Options in New York Divorces

By: Elizabeth Vaz, Esq.

Date: October 17, 2025

Divorce isn’t supposed to feel like a horror movie—but for thousands of people in New York, that’s exactly what it becomes. The eerie silence in the courtroom (when it's quiet there), the endless paperwork, the constant feeling that you’ve lost control of your own life—it’s a real-life nightmare that too many people walk into without realizing what’s waiting on the other side.

At Divorce Den, we believe people deserve the truth about divorce before signing a single retainer agreement and heading down that litigation path. Because the truth is this: most traditional litigation attorneys won’t tell you everything. They’ll talk about protecting your rights, “fighting for you,” and getting what you deserve. But behind the scenes, they’re often setting you up for years of stress, financial bleeding, and emotional exhaustion. That is not something that you may want to hear but you NEED to hear it.

So let’s pull back the curtain. Here are the three biggest things your divorce attorney won’t tell you when you first walk into their office, and what you can do to protect yourself from becoming another divorce horror story.

Number One: “This won’t take that long” — The Lie About Time

When you sit in that first meeting, overwhelmed and heartbroken, your attorney may smile reassuringly and tell you, “We’ll get through this as quickly as possible.”

What they don’t tell you is that in New York, “as quickly as possible” often means three to five years of your life.

That’s right—years.

The Reality of the Divorce Clock

Court schedules in New York are overwhelmed; regardless of the County. Judges are backlogged. Cases remain stagnant. Every step of your case—filing, responses, conferences, motions—takes time. And after every appearance, there’s another date… 30 days later, 45 days later. Again and again, often with very little progress made in between appearances.

You’ll take days off work to sit in a courtroom waiting for your name to be called. You’ll pay for childcare, parking, gas, meals, and lost wages, just to watch your attorneys argue over things that barely move your case forward.

And when you finally think you’re nearing the end? Another motion, another hearing, another delay.

Every month that passes is another month you can’t move on with your life. You can’t sell the house. You can’t finalize custody. You can’t start your new life.

You’re stuck in limbo while the legal machine grinds forward at its own pace; a very slow pace. And this is all done on your dime. No one tells you that when you go the litigation route, you’re not just paying in money.

You’re paying in time, energy, and emotional resources. And trust me, this will cost you more than you ever imagined.

Number Two: “The retainer should cover it” — The Lie About Money

When you hand over that retainer check to your attorney, you often think, Okay, that’s expensive—but at least this gets me through my divorce.

Except it doesn’t.

That retainer is just your entry ticket. It’s what gets you started working with your attorney. There is a lot to do in order to get started properly; completing financial disclosure) Statement of Net Worth), drafting papers for the court, preparing and filing motions, and attending your first appearance; a preliminary conference. After reading these steps, I am sure you can imagine how quickly that retainer money will go. And once that money runs out, and it will go quickly, you’ll start getting more bills. And they’ll keep coming. It may feel like they never stop coming.

The True Cost of Litigation

Traditional litigation is built on an hourly billing system that rewards more conflict, not less. Every phone call, every email, every letter to opposing counsel gets billed. If your spouse’s attorney sends something aggressive, your lawyer has to “respond," and guess what? You pay for that too. Never mind paying your attorney for hours of waiting at the courthouse to be heard, only to spend about 10 minutes with the judge or the judge's court personnel.

The more you fight while in court, the more everyone else profits.

And here’s the real kicker: in a contested New York divorce, it’s not unusual for total costs to exceed six figures. By the time it’s all over, you may have spent more on your divorce than you did on your wedding, your car, or your college education.

Meanwhile, your future, your children’s stability, your home, your peace of mind; it is all merely collateral damage in a legal war you never knew you were enlisting in.

The truth is, the system isn’t broken. It is designed this way. The longer your case lasts, the more money it generates for the people in it—just not for you.

Number Three: “Court is your only option” — The Lie About Choice

Here’s the biggest secret the litigation world doesn’t want you to know:

You don’t have to go to court.

You don’t have to hand over your power to two attorneys and a judge. You don’t have to let your private family life become public record. You don’t have to destroy your finances to end your marriage.

There is another way.

The Collaborative Divorce Model

In a collaborative divorce, both spouses agree from the start not to go to court. Instead, you work with trained professionals—a neutral financial advisor, a divorce coach, and collaborative attorneys—to reach agreements together.

No courtroom. No constant adjournments. No war.

The focus is on problem-solving, not point-scoring.

You create solutions that actually fit your family instead of forcing your lives into a court order written by someone who’s never met your children.

Collaborative divorce isn’t some feel-good fantasy. It’s a proven process that saves time, money, and sanity. Most collaborative cases resolve in months, not years, and at a fraction of the cost of litigation.

But ask a traditional litigation attorney about it, and you’ll probably get a dismissive shrug or a quick, “That won’t work in your case.”Why? Because if you don’t litigate, they don’t get to bill you for the next three years.

It’s not about what’s best for you. It’s about what’s best for their business model.

The Truth Divorce Den Wants You to Know

At Divorce Den, our goal is to make sure you know the truth before you get trapped in the system. We are always open and honest with you about relationships, healing and the best ways forward when getting divorced or separated.

While Divorce Den is not a law firm, we are lead by an attorney who fully understands how the traditional litigation system works, and how easily it can tear your family down. We don’t profit from your confusion. We don’t want you to spend the next five years paying for an outcome you could have achieved in six months.

We’re here to educate, empower, and connect you with the resources you need to protect your family and your future.

If you live in New York and need legal support, we’ll point you toward compassionate, transparent professionals—like Vaz Law PLLC, who understand that Collaborative Divorce isn’t just an alternative; it’s a revolution in how we transform families during divorce.

Because you deserve more than a “good fight.” You deserve a good ending.

The Bottom Line

Most divorce attorneys won’t tell you these three truths because they don’t have to. They’ve built their entire careers on a system that thrives on conflict, confusion, and delay.

But you have a choice. You can keep feeding that system and remain stuck there for years to come, or you can walk away from it. You can choose Collaboration over confrontation. Transparency over fear. Freedom over frustration.

Divorce doesn’t have to destroy you. It doesn’t have to drain your bank account or consume your life.

If you’re standing at the edge of this process wondering what to do next, start with education. Start with clarity. Start with Divorce Den.

Your Call to Action:

Before you hire an attorney, before you step foot in court, spend one hour learning what they won’t tell you.

Visit Divorce Den to uncover the truth, explore your options, and take back control of your divorce journey.

If you’re in New York and ready to move forward with support that’s honest, strategic, and humane, Divorce Den can connect you with trusted partners like Vaz Law PLLC, because no one deserves to live in a divorce horror story.