Gray Divorce: Why Over-50 Divorces Are Rising and What's Different

By: Elizabeth Vaz, Esq.

Date: July 10, 2025

What would you do? Jill thought she had it all figured out. At 58, her youngest had graduated college, her mortgage was nearly paid off, and retirement was finally within reach. Then came the conversation that changed everything: Jack said, "I think we should get divorced."

Jill is not alone. For people ages 65 and older, the divorce rate was 15% in 2022, about triple of such rates in the 1990s. While divorce rates among younger Americans have been declining, "gray divorce" – the dissolution of marriages among those 50 and older – is skyrocketing at an unprecedented rate. And there does not seem to be an end in sight.

But this isn't just about empty nesters rediscovering themselves. Today's gray divorce comes with a perfect storm of financial challenges that previous generations never faced, making it potentially the most expensive life decision you'll ever make.

The Numbers That Tell the Story

The statistics are striking: The divorce rate for those aged 50 and over has doubled since the 1990s, and 36% of U.S. adults getting divorced are aged 50 or older. This represents a complete reversal of historical trends, where divorce was primarily a younger person's choice.

The surge is particularly pronounced among those 65 and older, who are divorcing at rates three times higher than their counterparts in the 1990s. Meanwhile, divorce rates for those under 35 have actually declined, making gray divorce a distinctly generational phenomenon.

Some Reasons Why Gray Divorce is Surging: The Root Causes

Several cultural and social shifts have converged to create this gray divorce boom:

Longer life expectancy means that "till death do us part" could actually mean 30 or more years together after retirement. For couples who have grown apart, that's a very long and very daunting prospect.

Empty nest syndrome reveals the reality many couples face: they've been co-parenting for decades, but they're not actually compatible partners. When the kids leave, there's nothing left to hold the marriage together. Far too often the couple (or one of them) realizes that the day-to-day life of being with that partner, without the distraction of taking care of the kids, is not what they want for the rest of their days.

Financial independence, particularly among women, has dramatically changed the equation. Women who entered the workforce in the 1970s and 80s now have their own retirement accounts, careers, and economic power – making divorce a viable option rather than financial suicide. Empowered- emotionally and financially- women have no reason to stay in a relationship that no longer serves them.

Changing social attitudes have removed much of the stigma around divorce at any age. Today's seniors are part of generations that normalized divorce and prioritized personal fulfillment over social expectations. And this is as it should be. We say it all the time- divorce is NOT something to be ashamed of. The real shame is staying in a relationship that you know is not the right fit for you.

Personal growth and self-realization become priorities later in life. With limited years ahead, many people decide they'd rather spend them authentically than in an unfulfilling marriage. This is especially true for women, who have traditionally been the caregivers and have put their needs behind everyone else's. Now- after divorce- is the time for women to reclaim their own needs and make themselves a priority.

The Perfect Storm: When Divorce Meets Economic Reality

Here's where gray divorce in 2025 and ahead, can become uniquely challenging. Previous generations of "older" divorcees were able to split assets, sometimes significant assets, but today's couples are navigating divorce during the worst affordability crisis in decades.

Housing costs rose 5.1% in the 12 months ending in July 2024, while in 2024, 62% of seniors said the 3.2% Social Security cost-of-living adjustment was insufficient to cover their expenses. The math is brutal: two people who could barely afford one mortgage now need to secure two separate living situations in an inflated market.

Consider this stark reality: Home prices today are 24x higher than they were in 1963, while inflation is 10x higher. Yet incomes and other financial assets have not increased at the same pace. This means housing costs have outpaced general inflation by more than double – and that's before you factor in the challenge of maintaining two households on budgets designed for one.

What Makes Gray Divorce Different: The Unique Challenges

Unlike younger divorcees who have decades to rebuild, gray divorce comes with limitations that make recovery much more difficult:

The housing market reality is perhaps the most immediate shock. Many gray divorcees find themselves forced into a rental market where costs have skyrocketed. The family home that was supposed to be their retirement nest egg might not provide enough equity to secure two separate, suitable living situations. And let's not even mention real estate taxes!

Limited time to rebuild means there's no room for financial mistakes. A 30-year-old who loses half their retirement savings has 35 years to recover. A 60-year-old has perhaps 5-10 earning years left. And what if they have already retired and are collecting against a pension that is now going to be shared?

Healthcare concerns become critical when one spouse loses coverage. With medical costs rising faster than inflation and more health care needs as we age, this can be financially devastating, especially for those with chronic conditions.

The downsizing dilemma creates impossible choices. Selling the family home might be necessary to fund two separate households, but in many markets, even "downsizing" doesn't provide the financial relief it once did. Even if you receive your equitable share from the sale, now what? Where will you be able to purchase an affordable home with half the proceeds?

The Financial Devastation: Real Numbers

The economic impact of gray divorce extends far beyond simple asset division:

Retirement account division means 401(k)s, IRAs, and pensions built over decades get split just when you need them most. There's no time to rebuild these accounts, and early withdrawal penalties can be devastating.

Social Security implications are complex and often misunderstood. While divorced spouses may be entitled to benefits based on their ex-spouse's earnings record, the calculation is complicated and the benefits are often less than what the couple would have received together. Social Security is one of the most misunderstood nuances when it comes to divorce, even for skilled attorneys. There is no "one size fits all" approach that will work when it comes to finalizing these calculations.

Healthcare Coverage Gaps can cost thousands annually. COBRA continuation is expensive and temporary, while individual marketplace plans can be prohibitively costly for those with pre-existing conditions. Along with the housing crisis, we are also facing a health care crisis in the United States.

The two-household reality is where the math becomes impossible for many. Utilities, insurance, property taxes, maintenance – all the costs of homeownership now need to be covered twice, often on fixed incomes that haven't kept pace with inflation. What if you are renting?

The Rental Market Trap

Many gray divorcees find themselves in an unexpected position: becoming first-time renters in their 50s, 60s, or 70s. This market has been particularly brutal, with rental costs rising faster than wages and available units at record lows in many areas.

For seniors on fixed incomes, competing with younger renters who may have higher current incomes (despite less assets) can be challenging. Credit checks, employment verification, and rental history requirements can create barriers for those who owned homes for decades.

Planning for the Reality

If you're considering gray divorce, the financial planning must start early and be comprehensive:

Housing strategy needs to be your first priority. Research rental markets, consider geographic relocation to lower-cost areas, and honestly assess whether two households are financially viable. Many divorced individuals are even exploring outside the box for housing options, with some sharing larger homes together in a cohousing situation. Each has their own, smaller private space while sharing the larger, common areas. This can help with a bigger sense of community and decreased expenses for each individual, because of the shared overall costs.

Healthcare planning should include researching ACA marketplace options, understanding COBRA timelines, and budgeting for potentially higher medical costs. Understanding the options is a very important detail that should not be overlooked. Even one medical emergency can bankrupt an individual.

Retirement timeline adjustment may be necessary. Many gray divorcees find they need to work longer than planned to rebuild their financial security. Perhaps there may even be the need for investments outside of the constraints of retirement assets, as the liquidity may be more important during this time of transition.

Professional support is crucial. This isn't just about lawyers – you need financial advisors who understand the unique challenges of gray divorce, tax professionals who can help minimize the impact of asset division, and potentially career counselors if you need to return to work. Do not choose just anyone to help you here- do your research. Find the best financial professionals, specifically a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®)who knows how to guide you properly.

The Emotional vs. Financial Calculation

The rise in gray divorce reflects a fundamental shift in how people view the later stages of life. Previous generations often stayed in unsatisfying (and often abusive) marriages because divorce wasn't financially viable or socially acceptable. Today's seniors are making different choices, prioritizing personal fulfillment over financial security.

But the current economic climate makes this choice more expensive than ever. The question isn't whether you have the right to pursue happiness – it's whether you can afford it. With smart planning and a determined mindset, it can be done.

Looking Forward

Gray divorce isn't going away. As life expectancy continues to increase and social attitudes continue to evolve, more couples will face this decision. But the economic realities of 2025 and beyond mean that gray divorce requires more careful planning and realistic expectations than ever before.

The couples who navigate this successfully are those who plan extensively, adjust their expectations, and often make significant lifestyle changes. They might relocate to lower-cost areas, return to work, or accept smaller living spaces – but they do so with full awareness of the trade-offs.

For Jill, the conversation that started with "I think we should get divorced" led to two years of financial planning, career counseling, and difficult decisions. She's now 60, living in a smaller apartment, working part-time, and happier than she's been in years. But she's also clear-eyed about the financial cost of that happiness. Divorce does not have to mean devastation.

In today's economy, gray divorce isn't just an emotional decision – it's a financial one that requires the same careful planning you'd give to any major life transition. The question isn't whether you can afford to get divorced. It's whether you can afford not to plan for it properly.

Photo by Sven Mieke on Unsplash